In response to a number of complaints that FOX doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on the network, FOX has announced that they will now air "America 's Most Wanted" TWICE a week.

Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself nude in a mirror, after a relaxing bath. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her.

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help. 'God...if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you,' She prayed, and just like that..........................






























her ears fell off.

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE;
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.


PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOU' MOTHER,
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.
CAUSE YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used
size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of
Guns & Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and
magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba. I went to Walmart for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - there in a mood and bit the mailman this morning. Bwahahahahahaha. I don't think meatloaf took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all three of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside.

SignedCooter

I Took A Look At My Wife One Day And Said, "honey, 25 Years Ago We Had A Cheap Apartment, A Cheap Car, Slept On A Sofa Bed And Watched A 10-inch Black And White Tv, But I Got To Sleep Every Night With A Hot 25-year-old Blonde."
"Now We Have A $500,000.00 Home, A $45,000.00 Car, A Nice Big Bed And A Plasma Screen Tv, But I'm Sleeping With A 50 Year-old Woman. It Seems To Me That You Are Not Holding Up Your Side Of Things."
My Wife Is A Very Reasonable Woman. She Told Me To Go Out And Find A Hot 25-year-old Blonde, And She Would Make Sure That I Would Once Again Be Living In A Cheap Apartment, Driving A Cheap Car, Sleeping On A Sofa Bed And Watching A 10- Inch Black And White Tv.

They Really Know How To Solve Your Mid-life Crisis!

3 women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stiletto's and mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend: 'the other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He saw me he said: 'you are the woman of my life, I love you'...then we made love all night long

The mistress: Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... he did not say anything.....but we had wild sEx all night

The married one: The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes....my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says: 'Hey Batman! What's for dinner?'

When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man' s heart beats quicker,
He goes weak in the knees,
And he begins to think irrationally.


Ever wonder why?

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!Because she smells like a new truck.